I have spent much of my life committed to understanding how relationships can work better.
I grew up in a pretty typical American family in the plains of Eastern Montana. My parents were loving people who did the best they could. My parents taught me a lot and I have taken my experience with the family I grew up with and attempted to improve on the things that can work better.
Becoming a therapist was the natural outcome of many years of trying to find my sacred purpose.
I believe that my gift is in my capacity to understand the nuances of relating with others. As I type this I am also able to admit that I don’t believe that I’m better at it than anyone else. I still struggle as a husband and parent. I know the joys and I know the pain of being in relationship.
I am happily married and the proud papa of two twin boys.
Each day I find new ways to understand their struggle and work with it. I also am continually stumbling a long as a father that is learning and growing as well.
As a dad, I have found that my presence and ability to attune to my kids is the best gift I can give.
I want to be totally transparent with anyone who wants to work with me. I am suggesting a very different kind of parenting than what many fathers may have experienced growing up. It is a parenting that is not focused on the behaviors of the children but on our own emotions and ability to connect with our children. I don’t believe in punishments or things like “time outs.” I believe that when I’m trying to control my sons, I create more agitation and frustration.
When I let go of control, and needing them to be different than who they are, I feel more connected. It is from this place that we can find a way to solve problems. When I’m fully with them they feel safe. This leads to much better outcomes in how they operate in the world.
Much of my personal anxiety is wanting to be in control of other people. Wanting people to not act a certain way, or to show up on time, or to talk in a way that feels better for me. This is how I have attempted to deal with my anxiety in the past.
I now work with my own anxiety and simultaneously accept people where they are at. This doesn’t mean that I don’t set limits with my sons. I’m still responsible for their safety. It is when they are upset or feeling unsafe that I can acknowledge how this makes me feel and not put it on my kids.
Parenting is really hard. I think that there are ways to make it much more satisfying and enjoyable both for you, and for your kids.